no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You're a waste of cheezeits
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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