I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
