i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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