On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
