hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
