I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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