Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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