Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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