she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
