Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
