I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
