i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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