just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
