fuck your aforementioned shoe
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
