she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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