Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
