I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
