She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
