I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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