why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
