It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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