i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
