So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
