That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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