FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
