Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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