: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
