Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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