My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
