I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
