she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
