I wanna bring you to show and tell
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
