ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
