my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
