it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
