Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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