i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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