They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
