why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
