the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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