I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
