omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
