Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
