We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
