whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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