We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
