so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
