operation harelip BJ is a go
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
