Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
