Already got asked if we're dating
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
