remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
