Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
