We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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