just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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