Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
