Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
