I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
