I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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