I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
