he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
