The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
