im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize