The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
