I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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