My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
