The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
