A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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