operation have a gay friend backfired
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
