remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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