i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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