i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize