Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
