So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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