this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
