I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
