thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
