I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
