When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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