Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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