The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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