I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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