i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
