can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
People in love make me want to vomit
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
