Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
