Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
