before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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