everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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