Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
