Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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