I hate all girls vehemently.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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