Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she peed on how many people?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
