Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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