yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize