hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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