even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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