I want to make a zoo with you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
