she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
