I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My penis needs a shock collar
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize