Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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