I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
