You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
