Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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