So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
