I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
