I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Welp...herpes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
