smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was like eating out sand paper
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize