Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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