Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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