best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
