all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
