The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
